--I hate nothing more than coming up against people like that because it's inevitable not to lose some dignity. There's nothing worse than yelling at a stranger, though I did somewhat enjoy saying "What happened to your soul?"--as absurd (and literary) as it sounds to me tonight.
--My guess is that there a plenty of forces out there that want to make sure North Beach remains a hetero-centric party zone. Maybe they think that tourists or people from the suburbs will stop coming to the restaurants and bars if too many gay men are in sight.
--Some people hate powerful gay men with a special vengeance.
--One is more likely to come up against homophobia in supposedly gay-friendly places. Mark, for instance, had more run ins with gay bashers in Provincetown than anywhere. And we've lived in some unlikely parts of the world including Salt Lake City and Wilmington, North Carolina, where we never had any problems.
--San Francisco is obviously much more stratified than I knew.
--I have felt like crap all day, though I'm not moping.
12 comments:
can i borrow "What happened to your soul?" next time i need it. i promise, if you want, to cite you as the source.
genuinely powerful people scare some others to death.
Again, I am so sorry this happened to you. But yes, SF is weirdly stratified. And yes, North Beach is about the most heterocentric part of SF. A lot of the folks there feel gays are everywhere in SF and that North Beach, like the Marina, though the Marina is less so, is for heteros. It is not that they come out and say this, just that over the years that is the vibe these parts of the city give off. And yes, in North Beach a lot of it has to do with tourism. The funny thing? The Castro is more filled with tourists, gay and straight, than North Beach. We gays are a featured attraction in the People's Republic of San Francisco.
Thanks so much for the context and perspective, C. Dale. And Nancy, it's yours to use.
My heart goes out to you guys, ugh! I've lived in SF 12 years, including a few years selling residential real estate here, and I can concur with C Dale's comments about how weirdly stratefied the City is at times. Before the 60's, Harvey Milk et al San Francisco was rather conservative culturally, so it was a real culture clash when things swung the other way. There are still some vestiges of the old culture, and they can be quite defensive. I learned this first-hand when my partner and I bought a small apartment building in an outer neighborhood called Sunnyside, and realized we had stumbled into a pocket of old-timers who were not at all pleased we had arrived. We packed up and left within a year for the more forgiving territory.
North Beach on Friday and Saturday nights is utterly dreadful - bridge and tunnel at its worst. It's too bad... it SHOULD be a great place to go, given its bohemian history and all its qualities, and yet, I never feel like going there, or any of the other northern neighborhoods. For that matter, San Francisco's personality changes on the weekends, so all things being equal I prefer to go out during the week (benefits of self-employment!). One wishes it wasn't this way, but learns over time what places to avoid or gravitate to.
If you do ever get the courage to go back to North Beach, there is a great little restaurant there run by a lesbian couple called Da Flora further up on Columbus - it's one of my favorites anywhere. So it's not all doom and gloom, but sorry you had to find out the hard way!
I'm so sorry this happened to you and Mark.
xoxoxKat
Just read Mark's blog... a little different situation than I'd first thought. Sounds like you crossed paths with the wrong crazy diva! She's probably got a whole slew of men wrapped around her finger. Hard to believe this kind of thing exists, or happens.
I'm really glad that you & Mark can put language around this. Such things need to be told. Glad you two are physically unhurt.
Maybe we need a march on North Beach. Throw a little scare into the hetero party scene.
This is horrifying. So glad you two are okay. Maybe reporting it to the police and district attorney will make these thugs think twice the next time they feel so entitled to threaten someone. At least it would be on record. Statistics may one day be needed, never know. In any case, this never should have happened. Take care.
I have had more than one native of the "South" say that they perceive much more racism, however subtle, in natives of the "North". I know that as a bisexual woman, I have received some of the most thoughtlessly intolerant remarks from my dear friend who happens to be a lesbian. I would like to think that you'd find more acceptance in SF than most anywhere else; clearly, this is not the case.
I had to go back and re-read your and Mark's posts, because what I thought you had said was "What happened to your humanity?" Obviously, that was my own projection!
I know nothing about "Terence", the Roman playwright, other than this quote: "Homo sum; humani nil a me alienum puto" or, "I am a man, I consider nothing that is human alien to me."
I believe these kinds of incidents, and so much of the violence in the world, are so frightening because they represent fundamental disconnections from the above perspective. It is the inability to find the mutual connection to humanity in our interactions that becomes so enraging and scary. What you and Mark indeed received were the projections of others' fundamental disconnection from their own humanity, in that they need to find someone outside of themselves to blame.
I am glad that you are both fine and I do wish you'd called the police.
Paul, I'm so distressed to read these posts from both you and Mark! What a nightmare! Really glad you're okay, though.
In these types of situations I always end up feeling sorry for the agressor, in this case that woman. She's so full of bile. We reap what we sow, and she sows bile, so she reaps bile, she makes everyone around her miserable, and probably wonders why she's so miserable. And she has to be that woman every day of her life! Meanwhile, you and Mark get to go back to your life of mindfulness and poetry and compassion....
Paul,
It is total bullshit that this happens-...but that fact that it happens in what is basically the gay capitol of America is even more disheartening.
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